he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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