Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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