You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
