I can text with my tongue
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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