Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
