Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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