so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
