he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
