So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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