Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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