Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
