i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
