Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
