the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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