omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
