She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
