He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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