I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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