shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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