someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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