just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
