If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
