I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
