I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
