Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so let's talk penis.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
