she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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