it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
