I'm so fucking centered right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
