You made me cry and you don't even care
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
