Kiss
Puke
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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