Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
