Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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