she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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