I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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