So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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