am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
