this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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