In the future we'll all be gay
Do vagina's smell?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
