If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
