Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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