remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
