I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
