girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
