I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
