so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
