I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
