The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
