Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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