okay pat passed out under dana's car
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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