Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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