And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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