Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
