I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
