peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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