so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
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It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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