Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
