I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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