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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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