I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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