sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
