I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
