I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
