you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
