shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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