Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
