i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
