Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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