they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
