so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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