I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
