there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
