There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
