i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."