Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex