Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her