Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Did I show you my penis last night?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.