that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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