a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes